And Here's Your Weekend Update!

More like Quarterly Update, but who's doing math?

It’s been nearly three months since I provided a little update on myself (https://contemplatingresonance.substack.com/p/please-pardon-the-interruption). And things have certainly developed!

First of all, since my first post on November 6, 2023, this humble little publication has grown to 42 email subscribers!

42 is a number near and dear to my heart. Fellow fans of Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series will know it as “the answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything!” I search for the number 42 everywhere I go. Any time I open a fortune cookie from my DoorDashed Chinese Food, I look to see if the number 42 is among the lucky printed on that little slip of paper. My 42nd birthday is the only one I’ve commemorated in a special way on a (now defunct) social media account.

And, according to Substack’s analytics, my emails appear to be one of the primary ways that you interact with my content. This is my first time writing to an email subscriber base, and I have to say, I enjoy this format far more than any other format I’ve used. Knowing that my writing is very definitely landing in 42 inboxes every time I hit publish, I am far more confident in the likelihood of you at least making the decision to read, ignore, or delete my words.

And when y’all like, comment, or share via the Substack platform, that’s pretty great too!

I started writing this as I listened to Derek Webb’s monthly virtual house show. And he just gave us all a profound thank you for our presence and support of his work. Specifically us, his patrons. We’re the ones he’s writing for. And while I very much started this publication to write for myself, I’ve come to believe from many of your kind words, that I’m writing for you as well.

And so for allowing me the opportunity to send you my random thoughts on a semi-regular basis, I say thank you.

Now for some updates:

The Neurodivergent Diagnosis - Progress Report!

During my last update, I talked about the Autism Screening Process that I’ve started with Embrace Autism.

Well, since that time, I completed a battery of six psychometric tests and 45 free response questions, zipped up all of the files, and uploaded them to Embrace Autism’s website.

And then I waited.

A few weeks ago my initial results arrived! And I quote:

The information derived from this screening suggests that pursuit of a formal assessment is warranted. Matt may continue the process and pursue a formal diagnostic assessment for autism and co-occurrences if they wish.

As you can imagine… I WISH!

I immediately paid for the next phase, which will consist of another 40+ free response questions, another 12 psychometric tests, and a one-hour clinical interview session via video conference. And then I’ll wait again. And whatever results appear in my inbox at the end of those weeks of waiting will give me the most definitive answer I’m going to get about how my neurodivergent brain works!

Many have asked how these results made me feel. The primary word that springs to mind is validation. My intuition told me years ago that I have some form of neurodivergence, and the research and informal testing I did on my own only served to strengthen my belief. So having a trained professional look at the same information and say, yes, I believe you may be right?

PRICELESS.

The Podcast is Alive!

Last time I also talked about my decision to add a podcast to the world of Contemplating Resonance.

Well, the podcast is alive and well! As of today, I’ve published three episodes (not counting the silly trailer), and those episodes have been downloaded a total of 46 times through the various podcasting apps. Modest numbers. Baby steps.

But when I take video plays via Substack into account, that number increases by 135!

If even half of those views/downloads were by one of you paying attention to my wonderful guests or me, I’ll call that a win for now, especially since I’ve really fumbled when it comes to promoting this thing.

So here’s what’s out there now for your watching or listening pleasure:

• Episode 1 (Solo) - WTF is Contemplating Resonance? Wherein I spend some time defining what this publication/podcast is all about and tell you a little about the private retreat from which I recorded.

• Episode 2 - From Evangelical Author to Liberationist Poet: Marla Taviano, author of a series of three books of poetry detailing her journey of deconstruction.

  

• Episode 3 - From Charismatic Christian to Suburban Witch: Hana O’Neill, the Suburban Witch, and host of Witch Talks.

I have two more interviews recorded and in my production process. They’ll be hitting the podcast in March and April, respectively (episode numbers TBD):

• From Baptist Megachurch to Progressive Online Community: Jon Mathieu, Co-pastor of Harbor Online Community and Community Engagement Editor for The Christian Century.

• Deconstruction - Anglican Style: Dawn Dickieson-Leger, Co-pastor of Harbor Online Community and retired Anglican priest.

  

Besides that, I have a few more guests who have agreed to join the show, but we just haven’t nailed down a recording date yet. And I have dozens of ideas in various states of development that I need to sort into my “newsletter” or “podcast episode” piles.

The two things I can’t make any promises about are speed and regularity. Producing a podcast is fairly labor intensive, even with the advancements in tech between my two attempts. I’m getting better at understanding what my flow needs to be, and I’m formalizing that so my assistant (Oh yeah! I hired Hana’s amazing assistant Abby to help me with some of the load, and she’s already making things run a bit more smoothly. Thanks, Abby!) can take on some of the production pipeline. So we’re gonna get better at this. Stay tuned!

Teaching and Learning

The last of my updates described my return to teaching software engineers and architects around the world about Domain-Driven Design via O’Reilly’s Learning Platform, revising that class for relaunch early this year, and developing a new class on architecture model automation for launch later this year.

Well, I did offer the class one additional time in December. But since then, things have stalled. For two reasons:

1. O’Reilly hasn’t pursued scheduling any additional dates or even inquired about the state of my revisions or proposal. And I haven’t pursued them.

2. I’ve been way down the rabbit hole reinventing myself through a lot of online learning from amazing (and I am not exaggerating one iota) teachers.

So, what exactly do I mean by “reinventing myself?”

I’ve been a software engineer, architect, or some other role directly adjacent to those my entire career of nearly 25 years. A career that I’ve been very good at, or at least that’s what people I respect have told me. A number of people for whom I don’t have that much respect have told me the opposite, but I’ve learned that if you’re not pissing a few people off, you’re not doing anything interesting.

It’s also a career that I kinda chose under pressure at the moment because I had to pick something. In this case, it was majoring in Computer Science at the University of Mississippi. That led to an internship at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, which led to a full-time job that lasted almost twelve years, writing software to manage research laboratories, the data they produced, and the resulting publications. I then moved on to AutoZone, which taught me a lot about the retail industry in a very short time, then VMware and a 15-month engagement at State Farm Insurance (New Jake didn’t work there yet, and Patrick Mahomes was only seventeen (SE-VEN-TEEEEN!). After that came the Pivotal years, which gave me a little bit of geek fame, a decent IPO payout, and a metric fuck ton of mental health issues. And now life finds me trying to do software engineering and architecture in the high-stakes environment of the largest bank on the planet.

There was a time when I was deeply passionate about software engineering. I’m not sure when it happened, but that time has passed. I have no more fucks to give, and I’m very much here so I won’t get fined.

What now?

I want to help people.

I don’t know exactly what that means yet, but having spent the better part of the last year and a half working on myself through various forms of therapy, coaching, and spiritual direction, I’ve learned how important this work is, how critical it is to my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, and that I want to do this work during the next phase of my working life.

I’m pretty sure I want to find my way into some kind of therapeutic practice. To that end, I’ve started doing my research on graduate programs in mental health counseling. I need to find something that allows me to work as a part-time, preferably online, student. Going back to school full-time isn’t in my near future. But as the kids are slowly trickling off to university, I do have more time on my hands for studies of my own. So whatever I can slowly start to do now will accelerate my transition as some of my shorter-term financial obligations start to roll off. Patience will be the order of this season.

I’ve also reached the point where I’m transitioning from a phase where I called myself “witchy” to being very comfortable referring to myself as a Witch. I’ve begun celebrating the Pagan Wheel of the Year in lieu of Christian(ized) holidays. I conduct New Moon and Full Moon rituals. I have a daily divination practice using various Tarot and Oracle decks, and I also routinely practice pallomancy (pendulum-based divination). Astrology has become a cornerstone of how I understand myself and others.

That said, I’ve not severed my connection to my Christian heritage. I still read the Bible from time to time along with the works of the great Christian mystics and contemplatives past and present. I will never leave Jesus entirely behind, as I believe Jesus was not only a Witch himself and practiced the same magick that we have access to ourselves (if you pray, you’re doing magick, you just don’t call it that), but I also believe that his core teachings, when read honestly, are entirely consistent with the resonance of love by which I strive to conduct my life.

So what does all of this mean for me practically? Well, here are a few things:

1. I was privileged to be invited to the first cohort of the Center for Action and Contemplation’s reboot of The Living School. Over the next year, we are on a journey entitled The Essentials of Engaged Contemplation, learning from esteemed faculty like Richard Rohr, Brian McLaren, James Finley, Dr. Barbara Holmes, Randy Woodley, and Carmen Acevedo Butcher. We’re engaged in a variety of practices, collected in categories named Deep Listening, Deep Reading, Deep Interaction, Deep Practice, and Deep Reflection. Deep Reflection is definitely one of the best aspects of the program. You could simply refer to this as journaling, but we’re working through deep reflective questions about the curriculum, which as it turns out, is one’s own life. A common prompt each week is the Spiritual Autobiography. Each week we are asked to reflect and write on some aspect of our spiritual journey. Over the course of the year, these pieces will form the backbone of our spiritual memoirs. With Contemplating Resonance, I unintentionally gave myself a head start on this process, as that is precisely what this publication is all about!

2. I’ve also been given the gift of direct access to an amazing teacher of astrology, Tenae Stewart, through her Celestial Alchemy Astrology Certification. Tenae teaches the course primarily through pre-recorded videos and PDF handouts. But she augments that powerfully with a Slack-based community of practice, filled with current and former students. We engage fairly regularly in discussions of the material, and our questions are almost always addressed by Tenae herself via off-the-cuff audio messages that are packed with insight. Finally, she offers us a biweekly office hours session that allows for an even deeper discussion of the content. The homework is no joke, and the projects are going to be a challenge. But all of this gives me confidence that by the end of 2024, I’ll be able to call myself a professional astrologer and not simply a dabbler.

3. Finally, I’ve also been given the gift of a mentor in all things witchcraft and psychic divination. Hana O’Neill, who’s already appeared (see above, ICYMI) on the podcast, came across my radar when she appeared on the podcast Evangelicalish. I then started listening to her podcast, Witch Talks, and I found myself immersed in a flood of information about every aspect of witchcraft, as well as deconstructing Evangelicalism. You see, Hana is not only a witch, she’s also a former Charismatic Christian of the Hillsong variety. In Hana, I immediately saw someone who not only deeply understood where I was coming from, but also where I was going. Not long after, I joined her Suburban Witches Society, where I had the pleasure of meeting a group of amazing witches from all over the world who welcomed me to their community with open arms. I’m also one of her students in her phenomenal (and I’m really not exaggerating…I’ve taken a lot of online classes. Hana’s are some of the most thoroughly researched and well-prepared I’ve ever seen, and the wealth of experience that she shares that you simply aren’t going to find in books? Once again. Priceless.) class, The Art of Psychic Divination. Among other things, this class has given me the deepest trust in myself and my own intuition that I can remember having. Hana and I keep a backchannel open on Discord, and she answers every question that I throw at her. And she’s recently started inventing challenges for me to tackle as I progress. It can be a challenge given the 16-hour time difference, but it’s well worth it.

Well. This little update has gotten rather long, hasn’t it? I think that’ll do for now. I’m working on some additional memoir pieces, and I’m also digging into some deconstruction topics and some hermetic philosophy for your reading pleasure. And I’m also chasing additional podcast guests and topics. So do stay tuned to this channel, as there’s quite a lot more ahead.

Blessed be.