What's Resonating this Week: #11

Integration

Honestly, I could just stop with the subtitle and move on. But that’s just not my style.

I’ve since corrected the positions of Water Egg and Fire Egg!

Integration summarizes my life over the past month. And I can’t say that I really understood what it meant to experience integration until now. I’m not going to bother defining it, as I doubt any available definition would capture the numinous quality of the past few weeks as multiple polarities have collapsed into unities within my energetic core.

• My technology leader persona vs. my spiritual guide persona.

• My Virgo North Node vs. my Pisces South Node¹.

• My identities as a Jungian Life Coach, Tarot Reader, Astrologer, and Energy Alchemist.

• Existing as a full-time employee of a large company and as an entrepreneur with multiple online businesses.

And those are only a few of the distinct boxes into which I’ve sorted myself recently. Boxes which have now collapsed into a spiritual singularity of total potential.

I used to believe the task of integration was MY job, with the capital “M-Y” there referring to the Ego. I would spend my days taking one hat off and putting another hat on only to reverse their positions moments later. I was a traffic cop. I was an energetic and emotional weather forecaster. I was the conductor of a chaotic concerto of dozens of personas all vying for real estate in the landscape of my consciousness.

Nope. That wasn’t it.

And I felt it. It was exhausting. And I continually found myself wishing that I could simply pick just ONE OF THEM. That I could focus. That I could go deep.

And sometimes I tried, pushing all of the other Personas deep into my Shadow. Believing that I’d made my choice when in fact all I’d done is set up a future showdown with the rest of myself.

And then, one morning alone in a hotel room in Santa Monica, California, while doing my daily meditation and ritual practices, I felt (yes, felt) a very clear, quiet, and gentle YES.

I’m reminded of the still, small voice of God as described in 1 Kings 19:12.

But while the voice was both still and small, the effect was profound.

Shortly after returning home from California, I picked up a book on Chaos Magick² that arrived while I was away. I read these words:

If you are facing a real initiation, it is my sincere hope that the book will help you in some small way. By “real initiation,” I distinctly mean the kind of magical initiation that cannot take place within a magical order, but more so where you alone must face yourself and a host of realizations that probably drastically alter the course of your life.

Immediately after finishing that sentence, I had a powerful vision drop into my conscious mind, and I channeled these words into my notebook:

I see a future where not only am I a successful technology executive coach, but I am famous for it. Some of the most known technology executives are my clients. The technology industry has revitalized its approach largely due to the sphere of my influence. I have a TED talk with tens of thousands of views. I live comfortably in multiple locations. I have a philanthropic foundation. I have deep rewarding relationships with my kids.

This experience was accompanied by a powerful sensation in the area of my solar plexus and sacral chakras. Like a fire igniting within me. And it’s still there.

Two days later, as I was making tea, I both saw and felt an intense vision. It is ineffable - but I will try.

There were different pictures of me flashing by, almost surrounding a central column of light. The various personas I wear and have worn throughout my lifetime. And then I saw and felt them merge. As they converged into the column of light, it grew brighter and larger and added a light purple aura.

I do not have to choose from these personas, nor do I need an Ego-driven identity project to bring them together. I can simply exist as total awareness, pure potential, witness mind. Because they are all of me, and I am all of them. Simultaneously.

This is integration.

1. I’m currently experiencing my Nodal Opposition as well, which happens when the transiting lunar nodes are aligned with your natal lunar nodes, but in opposing positions. So the transiting South Node is conjunct my North Node.

2. Hands-On Chaos Magic: Reality Manipulation Through the Ovayki Current by Andrieh Vitimus